So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
