if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
