everyone is single if you try hard enough
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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