worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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