I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
