Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
