Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
