chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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