There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
