its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
