the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
