Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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