like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
