I have demons in me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
