We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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