Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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