I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
