last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
