I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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