I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
