im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
