she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
