yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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