Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
