Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
