If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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