i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i permit you to call me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
