I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
