ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
