So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
