And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
