Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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