im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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