I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
