I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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