I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
