She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
