My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
