I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
