How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
