Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize