thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
