I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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