is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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