You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
