Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
