I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
