he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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