i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize