its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
