Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
