Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
