why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
