I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
