I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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