It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My ass is underappreciated
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
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