i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
