We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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