she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
