we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
