If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
this hospital has no fireball
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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