He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I look excited, but its just a facade.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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