Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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