i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
