I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
