i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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