I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
