just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My ATM looks so different sober.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize