Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
