oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
