I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
