I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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