We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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