its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
