she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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