ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
