she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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