You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
