Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
