I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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