That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
