so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
